I don’t think I’ll see the next sunshine

In case you still find my heart beating inside

Something in me, forever would have died

Your drugs possibly can not cure

The pain I have chosen to endure

The pain, I was too scared to inflict

Glad no one else had to bear, coz to me it befits

But tonight when I go to sleep

I don’t want to carry the weight with me

So I’ll sing a song only few could hear

Of what my heart couldn’t stand to bear

To those I knew, who held me near

Don’t blame yourself and don’t fret dear

Coz you could not ever possibly know

The pain, I did not want to show

I am sorry I learnt to lie to you

And didn’t let you know what I was going through

I tried so hard not to show

Coz I got too used to being alone

So tonight when I close my eyes

Just let me sleep and don’t deny

The peace, I choose, to embrace

Just let me go don’t make me stay…

Just let me go, just let me go……..

How many times have you been in a relationship? And how may times have you broken up? Did it ever occur to you that your breakup was probably a life saver? Did you ever happen to look back and wonder how you ever got involved with a guy or a girl like that in the very first place?

Think about it, don’t you think that it happened for the good? The beak-up… it was just the right thing to happen? Yes, it did bring with it a lot of heartache, tears and months of misery maybe, but in the end didn’t it all happen for the good? Some of us take a month, some, months and some maybe even years, we sometimes still hoped and wished it could have just worked out but then hearts of hearts don’t we know that it just happened for the best.

I believe that in every relationship, there has to be a common ground, a place where both the partners meet, where both tune and adjust to each other. Both need to take a few steps towards each other, yet some times, we happen to be in relationships where we seem to be the only one taking any kind of steps to bring us closer. Without even realizing it, we give up being ourselves, some times; give in just so much to a relationship; so much more than we should. We make ourselves believe that we love the other person and so it’s all worth it. We move away from our dreams, or expectations and even ourselves coz we hold on so strongly to what we imagine that relationship to be. In the end, when it ends, more than the fact that the relationship has ended, what crushes us is that our dreams and our relationship as we imagined it to be, has ended. Some times we just hold on, coz we’ve stooped low, low in terms of self-respect, low in terms of our levels of acceptance and low in terms of levels beyond which we wouldn’t go. We demean ourselves, degrade ourselves and accept what ever little we get in a relationship, suffering and knowing all the while that we wanted and expected so much more. Initially we keep hoping things would change, improve but slowly, we give in, we make our peace with what ever little we get. Not that we don’t know what we want just that we are too afraid to confront ourselves with our own desires coz we know if we let them come back to us, we’ll end up looking stupid. We think we wouldn’t get any one better than who we have already and so we hold on to them. We name it as ‘love’, but more than anything else, it’s our own fears and insecurities that make us hold on to that one person, that one person who instead of being the reason for us to smile becomes the reason for our suffering.

 Our friends keep telling us not to fall deeper but we fight them too. Some don’t care and those few who do, cry with us, not because the other person is making us suffer but because they see us, letting ourselves suffer. Sure, we are in pain but imagine the pain of those who are close to us, who hold our hand all along, give us a shoulder to cry on and laugh with us when we realize how stupid we had been. Imagine what we make them go through when we let ourselves go though all this, all for some one who doesn’t care enough, who hurts us in the first place and then leaves us alone with it.

 Its ok to break up, it might be tough for a while but life does go on and in time you’ll be perfectly ok, it might leave some scars, but they’ll just act as reminders of what not to do again. Every time you are reminded of those scars, don’t think of the time you did spend being in that relationship, think of all the time you would have ended up wasting on that relationship had you not broken up.

 Break up is not as bad as we often think of it as, it’s the only time in a relationship or after it, we see ourselves as our close ones do, it’s the only time we are able to objectively evaluate our being with that some one. It’s the only time we see things in a much better light coz we are not blinded by that thing called ‘love’.  So break it up if it gives you more pain than pleasure. Be yourself and don’t give in… May God bless you with what ever you need, whether its patience to see your relationship through a rough phase or the strength to break it up and move on. Just know that there are always those special angels called friends to hold your hand through the toughest of phases and bring a smile on your face. I have some too and I am dedicating this post to two such angels

The point of my post here is to figure out the answer to one simple question. ‘Are you happy?’ Take a minute, think about it. Are you really happy? Some people might have just about everything by now, financial security, a loving wife or husband, a happy family, a cozy home but they’ll still have doubts when it comes to this question. Some will reply in the affirmative and some will wonder what’s missing in their life, why, even after having everything picture perfect they are still not happy. The answer I believe, most often lies either in a screwed up past or a non satisfying professional life. I also believe, that most people did not even dream of being some body, they dreamt of some thing. By which I mean that their aim wasn’t to grow into a particular type of person, their aim was to be successful in terms of money and assets. They were searching for happiness outside of themselves, rather than within themselves and my best guess is, they are still looking. 

I might not have even a 5 figure monthly income but I am successful. You might wonder how. The answer is simple, my definition of success was never in terms of money. My aim in life was not a 5 or 6 figure income. Yes I did and do dream of that and I know I will achieve that too one day but that was never my aim in life. My priorities were different. I am exactly what I wanted to be and that’s what I consider an achievement. I had never set out the path but I knew the destination. I never bothered about the ‘how’s’ I just knew I would. I have no fear and have no regrets. The path hasn’t always been easy and it hasn’t been a bed or roses. I have had doubts, have stumbled and fallen. Have made mistakes and have made wrong judgment calls but I am glad I did, coz its my mistakes more than the right decisions that have made me what I am today. There were times when I wandered so far away from what I wanted to be only to realize that each step that seemed to take me further was actually teaching me a lesson and was in turn bringing me closer to who I wanted to be. 

Yes I am happy, coz I am exactly what I wanted to be. My past isn’t continuous, present is perfect and hence my future is going to be simple.  All the right tenses in the right places ensure that you don’t have a tense future! Even if your past wasn’t perfect, remember that you still have the present and future in your hands.  So go live it up in the right tenses and you’ll see how easy the answer to my question could be!

 Let me start by saying that if u think this movie was only about Sid (Ranbir Kapoor) you are mistaken. The story of Sid is just a part, an integral part, of the movie, but it is not the main plot or aim of the movie. Next, if you failed to notice that Aiesha (Konkana) also has a story, I would suggest that you go watch the movie again.

This is the most touching, realistic, beautiful and subtle movie I have seen in a while. It has so much in it that you might miss it if you’ve got accustomed to the no brainer cheap bollywood flicks that lay more importance on everything else like actors, outfits, locations et al, other than the story. This is a movie that needs to be felt rather than just ‘seen’.

Only yesterday I was having a conversation about the movie with my mom who failed to understand it. She argued that the concept of the movie (Sid’s transformation from being a boy to a man and that of Konkana moving to a new city) wasn’t new hence the movie had nothing new to offer. But that’s what.. it isn’t new but its us ( the late teens I guess and the 20’s) the characters reflect us, at some or the other stage in our lives so far.

 Let me give you an insight by saying that the movie is not just about Sid, its also about Aisha, a girl from Calcutta who moves to Bombay to live her life her way, to make it on her own. She is one independent strong woman who isn’t forced by circumstances to give up staying with her parents and move to an unknown city but rather chooses to stay alone, cook for herself, wash her own clothes, hunt for a job and then manage both her work and home all in an unknown city and without any one to turn to. It is only by chance that she stumbles upon Sid who eventually becomes her only friend in the city.

 The scenes when Aisha and Sid first meet and decide to go for a walk, when Aisha clarifies that she has no intentions of sleeping with Sid lest she be misunderstood for being a girl like that. The scenes where Sid slips out of his parents Anniversary party on receiving a message from Aisha only to realize that in about 10 mins it’s Aisha’s birthday and scratches his head to finally come up with an idea for a Birthday cake. The bread jam cake and the match stick on it was a beautiful scene. The joy of not being alone on her birthday and also of the fact that her newly found friend cared enough for her to manage to lit up a candle for her on her birthday made her birthday which otherwise would have been dull and loney, the most memorable one. This was one scene that one cant really describe, we just feel it and relate to it, coz most of us, at some point or the other in our lives have had somebody who has cared enough to light up a candle for us literally or otherwise.

The scene where Sid, reaches Aisha’s apartment breaks down and hugs her after he decides to leave his home following an argument with his parents regarding his college result is another beautiful scene of the movie where harsh reality suddenly slaps across the otherwise non-serious, irresponsible just out of college guy’s face. That’s the first instance of Sid having to face reality and bear its consequences.

This is then followed by his long and quite torturous stay at Aisha’s apartment where much to Aisha’a dismay Sid continues to make a mess of her apartment every successive day. One fine day when Aisha failing to take it anymore lashes out at Sid for being irresponsible and for messing up with her apartment every day leaves at night and comes back the following morning only to find a spic and span apartment. This eventually sparks off the reformation process of Sid. Where he learns to cook, cleans the apartment, washes clothes, learns to keep the kitchen clean and eventually even ends up doing not just his part of the daily chores but also Aisha’s. Not just that, he finally realizes his passion and then with a little help from Aisha he even manages to get himself a job and does pretty well at it.

 Also, there is a scene in the movie where Sid sneaks in to meet his mother, where over a usual conversation she casually admits that her efforts to learn the English language were her way of trying to become Sid’s friend. Cleverly hinting at how his parents had in his life taken a backseat and how his life had become only about his friends.

 Meanwhile the movie shows Aisha’s interest in her boss which continues unabated, which much to her delight is followed by a few outings with him with his friends where Aisha realizes that things with him were not quite the way she had imagined they would be. This coupled with some confusing pangs of jealousy when Sid interacts with his other girl friends brings out a very realistic point in a very subtle way.

The fact that sometimes things might not turn out the way we imagined or hoped they would and sometimes we might just find something we weren’t even looking for, from an unexpected corner of life which eventually ends up making us happier than we thought we could be.

Aisha’s much awaited yet surprisingly uninteresting relationship with her boss who according to her was ‘her kind’ of man and the live in situation in which Aisha finds herself leaves her confused. In the course of all the daily chores and routine life both Aisha and Sid fail to realize how they had gotten used to not just living with each other but had also become each other’s only support system. Their platonic relationship is yet another beauty in the movie. It compels the viewers to accept that a guy and a girl can simply be friends and even be sharing an apartment without necessarily being sexually involved.

Towards the end, Aisha is jolted to reality after a brief period of confused emotions when she suddenly finds it difficult to come to terms with the fact that Sid has finally been able to patch up with his family and is now moving out and going back home. On Sid’s failure to understand her state she blames him for still being a ‘kid’ and for not being able to understand her, to which Sid makes her realize that all this while he was trying to become the person she could respect. Aisha finally wakes up to the fact that Sid had actually changed from being an irresponsible young brat to a fine responsible young man. It then dawns upon her that he had in fact become everything she had ever wanted ‘her’ man to be. The movie ends with the realization on both Sid and Aisha’s part that they both had fallen for each other.

The most amazing part of the movie is the fact that it ends with them saying ‘I love you’ to each other rather than starting from there, which simply suggests that their falling in love wasn’t the main story, it just followed from it. Also that their love wasn’t the kind of love that grew out of lust but one that stemmed from the fact that they had embarked on a journey called life together and survived and came out stronger only with each others support.

The movie indeed makes a great viewing. It’s a simple plot wonderfully directed. Also every actor’s performance is worth applauding specially Konkana and Ranbir. They have done a wonderful job and the casting just couldn’t have been more apt! Thankfully the movie was not about skin show, glamorous actreses who barely know how to act, outfits or pre-launch promotions which ensure the movie has recovered enough even before it has been released! Not very often does one come across such simple and sensible movies that one can relate to. So in my opinion, go ahead watch the movie, even if you don’t understand every part of it, it’s still worth it.

Moving on to the second side of this very question; how easy/difficult/fun/hard would it be to live with some one like you? By some one like you I mean that they share the same characteristics but maybe not exactly the same taste. Let me make it more clear by giving you an example. Suppose both of you are strong headed, decisive, and adamant and you might have conflicting views about a particular thing, or probably both of you are indecisive, disoriented and unorganized. What would you do then? Here’s another example, think of it like this, think of a rash driver, somebody who’s not just rash in his driving but also drives carelessly, doesn’t slow down at crossings to see if there’s another vehicle coming coz he probably believes that even if there is one, the other driver will probably stop and give him the way but what if the other driver is equally careless and does not stop? A collision, in this case is inevitable. What do you do when you have to face somebody like you? Our loved one’s generally put up with all our nuances, irrationality and our shortcomings but what when we come across some one who has no reason to put up with any of that? This in fact, reminds me of the movie ‘Taxi No 9211’. There, I guess, now you would have gotten a clear picture of what I am trying to say here. So what do you do then? Its ok if you don’t or can’t answer this question, my sole point here was to make you think who you are, not how you know yourself but how others see you. Just so that we could see how we sometimes could be difficult to handle for the very people we love and to, for a minute, stop and introspect so that we could appreciate all those who stand by us despite our shortcomings and love us anyways.

I’ve gone to my client’s place at midnight to bring back stuff to my workshop for alterations because they couldn’t come over to mine and have personally gone to deliver everything back at 2 pm the same day. But what do I get in return? Well, you would be grossly wrong if you thought gratefulness. All I have got is the realization that I had been stupid to be nice to people. All that I’ve got is a thankless attitude coupled with the feeling that it was the other person’s birthright to get such privileges at the cost of my inconvenience.

People have done nothing but walk over me and give me shit and what have I done about it? Nothing. I’ve not said a word, not complained even once if my driver has come even half an hour late and I have had to drive to a destination I am not very sure about, all by myself. I’ve not said a word if my clients have been adamant about getting things done their way, when they did not take my advice with respect to how a thing should be done and then asked me to re do the entire thing the way I had initially suggested, after the stuff was complete and they realized they had been wrong. I’ve happily made the necessary changes and delivered the stuff right back at their door step. To top it all; have not even been paid for my work! I did not ask for money because she is the daughter of my dad’s acquaintance. I took her as a friend more than a client and what do I get? Only complaints and no money.

Its time, high time I should say, that I promise myself that I will not let people walk over me ever again. Its time I stop being nice to people as I have been the only person to take shit and to suffer. Its time I start doubting people more than I could trust them. Its time that I start doing things not with the belief that the person would not hurt me, disappoint me or walk over me rather only consider myself lucky if and when all this doesn’t happen. Its time I promise myself that I will never put any body else’s convenience over mine. That’s enough… not now… not any more.

A couple of wrong turns and a few U-turns later I realized how much I enjoyed getting lost. Every time I got lost I was thrilled. Even the wrong turns excited me coz they took me to places I hadn’t seen before. And as and when the roads used to run dry, in terms of places to explore I used to turn the wheel around and head back to the point from where I had gone wrong and take a new direction from there. I had no specific destination. My only purpose was to explore and every wrong turn gave me a chance to do exactly that! Also every wrong turn made me realize that I didn’t fret, I had the confidence that I’ll make it out and be back on the road that’ll take me home. I had the courage to get lost and the confidence to find my way out.

I wonder how many of us live our lives like that. I wonder how many of us have the confidence of making it through places we haven’t been to or doing something we have never tried our hand at and be sure that we’ll crack it?

A batsman being confident about his batting and an actor being confident about his acting is not the kind of confidence I am talking about. That’s practice more than confidence. I am talking about the confidence a batsman would probably have about his acting or vice versa. The confidence that comes, not from having already done something over and over again, but the confidence that you have on yourself. At the same time, there’s a very thin line difference between confidence and over confidence. It’s just that if you are confident, you’ll have a better chance to take in your stride a failure, where as if you were overconfident, chances are you didn’t evaluate the possibility of a failure and wouldn’t be in a very comfortable position if you were unable to succeed. So if you think you can afford to get lost, go take an unknown road, once in a while, in life and enjoy the uncertainty and the exploration… who knows what you might stumble upon. There isn’t any harm in trying something new, as long as the stakes aren’t too high.

We lose out on relationships and friendships because of our ego, assumptions and judgments. We misunderstand our loved ones or sometimes they misunderstand us and that makes us feel that life’s twisted. More often than not we form opinions about people, assume things and then on top of that also assume that we are right! God! Now that’s sounds complicated!

You know what makes it simpler? Expressions. Coz if you express yourself, there remains no scope for assumptions, misunderstandings and those ‘if’s and but’s’. It all gets a lot easier. You like some one. Go tell that person. If that person is your friend he/she will understand and respect you for being honest. If that person isn’t already a friend, you don’t stand to lose anything, instead, by not expressing yourself you might be losing out on time!

You can not control how the other person feels or the way they think or do things but you certainly control the way you do things. Express yourself, don’t bottle up your feelings. Relationships work best when they are transparent along with the people who are in it. Repressed feelings are going to come out one way or the other. No matter how deep inside they are. Feelings are like an open bottle of wine, pour it out before it turns bad. Give an outlet to your feelings in a responsible way and you are bound to stay healthy and balanced (emotionally and psychologically). If you bottle up your emotions they are just going to sink in deeper and finally affect your psychology and you as a person. They’ll meddle with the way you think and result in you doing things in a particular way, you wont even notice, it’ll sink into your subconscious mind. If you let them out responsibly and regularly they’re not going to bother you. Just like we try to keep our rooms and homes sparkling by freeing it of clutter and by getting rid of anything that begins to rot, similarly we need to keep our mind free of repressed thoughts and feelings. Let it out as and when it comes and you’ll feel much lighter. Don’t carry a baggage all the time. Instead free yourself of it from time to time.

Relationships only grow stronger with your expressions. Don’t hesitate to be yourself. If you think in a particular way, let people know. If you feel in a particular way, that’s a part of who you are and not saying it doesn’t change that. Plus don’t you think your close ones deserve to know. If you think that not telling them about how you feel is going to help in any way, you are wrong. Give them a chance to understand you and then leave it up to them to accept it or reject it. They might not always accept what you say or the way you think but they still need to know.

So go ahead clear your baggage. Live each day in a way that you never have to look back and regret doing something or for that matter not doing something. Go tell your loved one’s how much they mean to you. Let them know they are important and appreciated. They might know it already but still saying it doesn’t hurt.

Remember, expressions can only make relationships and not break what’s not already broken.

Where it’s necessary for parents to know what’s going on in their kids’ lives, most of the time, it’s equally important to do it the right way. Tagging along with them everywhere and every time is neither going to be possible nor the best thing to do. That ways, you might be satisfied that you are watching over your kids all the time and you might be convinced that your kids will never slip away but in time your kids might learn how to keep you at bay coz, take it from me, as they grow up, and graduate from school to college there are going to be hundreds of things that you will not know about them and hundreds that they will not tell you.

If you really want to be there for your kids, want them to turn to you before they turn to anyone else for help and guidance, there’s a lot that you will have to do. As they grow up, they will feel the need to have more of friendly advice than parental guidance. Even if that means resolving a fight with their boyfriend in standard 8! Yes, all that will happen, they will make mistakes, fall, stumble, get hurt, have boyfriends and girlfriends, talk about sex and a lot of other stuff that you would want to keep them away from. There’s just one way to do it. Be their friend. Give them a sense of comfort that they would share with a friend. Don’t judge them. Don’t pose restrictions coz then they might do exactly that, what you don’t want them to do. Be the first one to tell them about period, sexuality and loads of other things that you might be uncomfortable discussing with them but are essential. Most parents will keep waiting for the ‘right time’ and the ‘right age’ to talk to their kids about it but what they don’t realize is that their kids don’t think like that. If you don’t give them the information, they will get it from somewhere else and chances are that they will get half information which will only give rise to curiosity. You are the best person who could tell them why they should or should not do something. If you think 16 or 18 is the right age to educate your kids about it, you might not realize that they probably knew about it at 10 or 12.

Another thing, you might think you are being a wonderful parent by being there with your child all the time but what you might not realize that you might just be making your kid dependant on you. One day or another they will have to step out of their comfort zones for a course or a job, what will they do then? They will have to move out, sit for entrances, appear for interviews, face office or home politics, manage relationships, protect themselves, face the world and not let people walk over them. Ask yourself this question. Does the way, you are bringing up your kids, give them the courage and the confidence to face the world? Are you bringing up your kids to become increasingly dependant on you or are you helping them become strong individuals?

Yes, everybody makes mistakes, be there to warn them, to reason with them but let them learn, let them make their own mistakes (unless these are mistakes that will not leave scars on their lives), let them be free to make their own choices, let them chose what they want to believe and what they don’t want to believe. Everyday give them the strength and the confidence to go fight what ever comes their way and let them know that you are always there. Encourage them to come to you with problems but expect them to do it only if you think, they can expect you to understand. You will never be able to stop people from being unfair, unjust and mean to your kids, all that you can do is to make your kids strong enough to be able to handle such people and face unfavorable situations and circumstances.

Don’t judge them, there are enough people to do that already. Understand them. They might not be good at studies but that doesn’t make them worthless. Let them explore what they want to do and what they yearn to become. A good or bad score card in school is not the final score card, life has a completely different game plan and a very challenging set of rules. A lot of students with high scores end up as failures in life. So don’t jump to conclusions very soon. If they are not good at one thing they might be brilliant at something else.

In the end, yes, they’ll always be your kids but at one point of time you’ll just have to let them go. Don’t burden them with your expectations, let them chose their own path. And know, that at some time or the other you need to stop expecting them to be your kids first and then themselves. Don’t hold them back, let them spread their wings and fly..